Many people say that children put a damper on the marriage. Who has time for love and passion when the kids are screaming their lungs off or running a 105 degree fever? Or when money has to be scrounged for to pay for those expensive braces?

Raising children can turn us into impatient, stressed-out beings so if hiring a baby sitter overnight will not disrupt the monthly budget, do so and go away – just the two of you.

But don’t use that time away from children to complain about each other’s habits or to raise past incidents!

Instead of looking at marriage blessed with high points or fraught with low points, think of it instead as a series of turning points.

Turning Points Dr. Sonya Rhodes says these turning points must be regarded as opportunities to make a marriage stronger and more fulfilling.

These turning points become crystal clear at mid-life where couples have developed a keener sense of time limitations and an urgency in their desire to make the most out of their marriage and their lives.

The mid-life years are a natural time for reflections: couples now have the advantage of being able to see where they have been, where they are and where they want to go. When a 46-year old woman came to see Dr. Rhodes in an effort to save her marriage, she said, “This might be my last chance to make things better. I don’t want last chances to become lost chances.”

Complimenting and Praising Give credit where it’s due, be generous with compliments and be sincere in your praise. Do you sometimes find yourself wishing that your partner would compliment you the way your boss does after a job well done?

Many couples discover that as they settle into their marriage, the compliments or kind praises are not as frequent as when they were dating.

Making it a practice to give credit where it’s due and being sincere about your praises go a long way towards reinforcing wellness in a marriage.

If you see that your wife works conscientiously on the treadmill to keep off the weight, did you ever think that she’s probably doing this to please you? Saying something like, “You’re so disciplined in your efforts to achieve your goals, I’m proud of you” will add to her self-confidence and reinforce her attitude that she’s doing something that’s healthy and that you appreciate.

If your husband is good at crunching numbers, praise him for his skills at rapid calculation. “You’re amazing with numbers” will give him a sense of pride, and he will feel important to you.

No doubt many experts and marriage counselors will differ in opinion on how to save a marriage, but they all agree on the following fundamental elements of a solid marriage – only the words and the way they are conveyed are different:

* trust and communication

* respect for each other’s ideas and expectations * fidelity

* physical and intellectual stimulation

* maintaining their own personalities, but supporting each other’s dreams